fashionably early?

I'm here a few hours earlier than what I thought. Its Saturday and I plan to be out of the apartment at 1pm. Anyway, first things first. My weigh in:

Thats down four from my last weigh-in! And 11 total in the past three weeks. Now I can finally talk about what plan I've been using! I created a new "about me" section on the side bar (or you can just click the photo) for details about what I've been doing in the past three weeks to -finally- get in the 260's!

I'm so excited to get to share this as I really believe in what I'm doing, but I couldn't share until the program actually launched! I feel like I can finally talk now. I've been biting my tongue and my entries have been sparse because of it. It's hard for me not to keep secrets.

So anyway, today is my "day off" and I'm about to go eat one of NYC best chocolate chip cookies at Levain Bakery. Seriously, these things are legendary and I can't leave the city without trying one.

I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend. I'll be back tomorrow morning!

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...okay that was excessive! But, I have some good news tomorrow, so good I even painted my toenails for it. I will update tomorrow at 1pm! See you then!

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Free Food

Its been awhile, hasn't it? Blogging is a weird thing for me, sometimes I get in a groove and I just want to type type type. Other times, I hardly know what to say. Things have been going smoothly, right down the middle lately. I've been following my plan, I've been losing weight.

I feel a bit of indifference this whole week, which is strange. Usually when I'm trying to lose weight I'm a total spaz about the whole thing: agonizing over food, agonizing over the scale and doing about a million mental flip flops over the whole thing while I do it. "should I eat this?" "why is the scale up 3 lbs today!?!?!" "ooo the scale is down, let me eat now!"

Its just not happening, its weird. I'm reacting differently. Its as if my mind has finally caught up to the present of losing weight and is totally cool about the whole thing. I no longer feel like its a mad dash to the finish line. Right now, I'm up a little, and I'm okay with that. Because it could be anything, I know I am losing weight and will continue to lose. I don't doubt it, I know I will be thinner in the coming months.

I guess I had more to say than I thought.

I also want to mention that for being a "good person" I totally got out of having over 5k in free food. haha, okay its pretty ridiculous and I'm sure they would have caught on. I order my food online from a lovely service here called Fresh Direct. I love it because I've done grocery shopping in our neighborhood and its a total pain, plus the food is rarely fresh.

That said, our order yesterday was late. I didn't complain about it, as I don't care about stuff like that. But, they sent me an email apologizing and refunding me the shipping fee.
You can imagine my astonishment when I got this email:

Thank you for helping us to serve you better. We have issued you the following credits for order #000000000:

$5,395.00 from the Transportation Department in store credit
$5,395.00 total store credit

$5,395.00 TOTAL CREDIT

We'll automatically subtract these store credits from your next order total.

What?!?! I sat and thought about it: "did I win a prize!??! omg! free groceries! what should I order?!?!" and then I thought "is this some sort of promotion, is it a gimick for me to order more food"

I didn't know what to think, but I really wanted to know if I had that much store credit so I send them an email. But, I couldn't wait so I called them. The guy on the other line looked up my account and sure enough he was as confused as I was. He put me on hold for what seemed like ten minutes and was all "I'm sorry for the wait miss burger, it looks like someone in the transportation department made a typing error. It was supposed to a 5.40 refund. For being honest, we are doubling the store credit. You now have 10.80" I so thought he was going to say "one free order on us" haha I'm such a sucker for free food.

Anyhow, no lie, while I was on hold I figured it all out myself and silently banged my head on the wall for calling and sending the email. I'm a bad person, I know. I totally would have made at least one more order had I realized it was an error in my favor, like monopoly. Fresh Direct error in my favor, FREE FOOD. Sigh, how should I spend my $10?

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I did it, I finally freakin' did it! How long have I been talking about the 260's? Too long! This morning I got on the scale, as I usually do, and nearly cried when I saw this number. I have been hovering around 271-273.5 all week. And then this! I just said yesterday "my weight stalls and then comes off, stalls, then comes off".

I should celebrate with a pedicure!! haha for real. Anyhow, I just know its going to keep getting lower, I just wanted to post this!!

I feel like "its working, I'm doing it!". My diet is working, and it is so livable! I did strength training on monday and plan to go again today. I haven't been doing as much cardio as I would like, but will work on going to the gym more often when things settle down around here.

My mom and sister are coming to visit for the weekend, and so my posts will be sparse until Monday. I will try to do an official weekly weigh-in tomorrow!

Its so cool that I am only 4 lbs. away from 265!! and only 10 away from 259! Its happening, its really going to happen this time.

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I found this quote online from a lady that was on the Oprah show today. I thought it was great and truly encompasses how I feel about strength training lately.

"...when you feel strong, you are strong."

I did a lot of cardio yesterday and strength training. Going to the gym tonight. I will try to post more tonight!

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5-17-08 weigh in

Hello! I wanted to stop by really quick this morning with this weeks weigh-in! 271.0! Thats 4.5 down since Sunday. Pretty rapid, I'm sure it will slow down to about 2-3 lbs. a week eventually. But, this is very motivational.

Following my new plan this week, I will say the first couple of days were the hardest. But, then as the week progressed I had more energy and less sluggishness. And now I feel great, its working!
My cravings are less intense and just all around feel better. Could it be that I will finally be in the 260's my next weigh in!?!?

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too soon to tell

Today I know I am going to lose weight, I can see it and feel it. It comes and goes as always, but since I started my new plan I feel like I can actually live with it long term. And its making me feel like I can do this!

I don't want to start celebrating too soon as I'm just beginning and we all know I have a bad track record. I just wanted to share that getting out of the 270's for the first time in over a year, well, its just around the corner. I really feel it.

I just got back from the gym, I did 60 minutes of cardio and 25 minutes of weight training. We've been experimenting with our regimen and lately we've found new ways to really work out our muscles. Did you know that you can burn an extra 500 calories a day with an added 10lbs. of muscle?

Knowing that, as a person that loves food makes me happy. I know women tend to shy away from strength training because they are afraid of bulking up, but its really not possible unless you are training to be that way. And burning extra calories a day? Yes, please!

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5-12-08 weigh in + less baked goods

Today's weigh in is 275. 140 pounds to go.

I'm working on eating a lot less sugar and foods that have little nutritional value. I'm working on a new plan and basically cutting back my baking to one day a week. Today for lunch: salmon, oh salmon I love you, you are so good no matter how I cook you.

Anyhow, last week I did o-k with the gym, can do much better though. And I feel good overall. I've stopped the whole hard on myself stuff, I feel good about where I'm at and where I'm going. Out with the negative stuff its a waste of time.

I hope everyone showed their mothers love yesterday, I'm lucky to have a supportive mom! Happy Mothers Day!

What are your plans and goals for the week?

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what would you wear?

I discovered a very addictive and fun website for creating online collages! Polyvore.com I started creating wish list sets and then realize that all of my wish list clothes wouldn't fit me. So sad. Here is a set I created from Anthropologie, what would you/do you plan to wear?

This is me:

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visual appeal

I was buying some stock photography recently for a project and they had some delicious looking donuts. Right now, looking at it I have no desire to eat it. But, I'll tell you when I first saw this photo I wanted a donut immediately.

I showed it to Josh and asked if he felt the urge to eat a donut just from looking at the photo and he said no. He likes donuts, and could he a box at a time (I'm sorry Josh for using you as an example all of the time!). I was so intrigued by my response and his lack of one. Do you guys have the urge to eat certain foods just by looking at them? Such as food commercials or watching the Food Network?

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Starting over: again

How many times have I started over in this blog? Too many in the past two years! I have been steadily trying to lose weight for some time now, but it continues to come back and I fall off and then I get back and then change my mind. So inconsistent.

Anyhow, sometimes I worry too much about what people will think about the stuff I post. And I have to realize how silly that is and just do what I need to do.

I got on the scale this morning and it read 275, I was 272 the other day and 270 just last week. I know it is mostly water retention, but yeah.

My goal weight is 135 and basically I'm not going to break it up into small goals. I have been looking through Pasta Queens archives and I really like her attitude towards weight loss, she didn't stop and when she did she kept going until she met her goal to be half of her old self.

I'm not going to post food logs, but I will mention the food I eat from time to time and I will post about exercise and just general observations. I will also log my weight every Sunday morning with how much I've lost and how much I've got to go until I'm at my goal weight.

I know that I am still pleased with myself that I'm still not the 320 that I was when I first moved to NYC and although I could have lost much more in the past two years, I've pretty much stayed in the 270's for a long time. Which isn't my goal, but I also know it could be a lot worse. So I basically refuse to beat myself up for not being less, instead I'm patting myself on the back for not weighing more.

My plan:
1,500 calories with 500 flexible calories a week

My scheduled gym time is 2pm every day with a couple of days off a week

When I slip up I'm going to get right back to my plan the next day. Slip ups will happen.

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Around the Blogosphere: The Tippy Toe Diet

I stumbled upon Cammy's blog The Tippy Toe Diet, and I absolutely love her post today! It is full of inspiration.

She talks about how her change of attitude helped her lose 80 lbs in the past year. I love her trick for saying "something wonderful will happen" to yourself every day. If you believe in yourself good things will happen, you will start seeing them everywhere.

This entry is a must read: Click here.

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Token Fat Girl Loves: Food Holidays

Happy day after Cinco De Mayo! In my 25 years I have never celebrated cinco de mayo, but I know other people do and this is why:

"So, why Cinco de Mayo? And why should Americans savor this day as well? Because 4,000 Mexican soldiers smashed the French and traitor Mexican army of 8,000 at Puebla, Mexico, 100 miles east of Mexico City on the morning of May 5, 1862.

The French had landed in Mexico (along with Spanish and English troops) five months earlier on the pretext of collecting Mexican debts from the newly elected government of democratic President (and Indian) Benito Juarez. The English and Spanish quickly made deals and left. The French, however, had different ideas.


Union forces were then rushed to the Texas/Mexican border under General Phil Sheridan, who made sure that the Mexicans got all the weapons and ammunition they needed to expel the French. American soldiers were discharged with their uniforms and rifles if they promised to join the Mexican Army to fight the French. The American Legion of Honor marched in the Victory Parade in Mexico, City.

It might be a historical stretch to credit the survival of the United States to those brave 4,000 Mexicans who faced an army twice as large in 1862. But who knows?

In gratitude, thousands of Mexicans crossed the border after Pearl Harbor to join the U.S. Armed Forces. As recently as the Persian Gulf War, Mexicans flooded American consulates with phone calls, trying to join up and fight another war for America.

Mexicans, you see, never forget who their friends are, and neither do Americans. That's why Cinco de Mayo is such a party -- A party that celebrates freedom and liberty. There are two ideals which Mexicans and Americans have fought shoulder to shoulder to protect, ever since the 5th of May, 1862. VIVA! el CINCO DE MAYO!"

And what did I do? I used this as a reason to go to the store buy some avocados, salsa and tortilla chips. It wasn't too bad as it was pretty much my only meal for the day, okay, that is bad. But I made chicken and beans too.

And today I eat leftovers...for breakfast.

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Fat Questionnaire

I got this from Fat Bridesmaid's blog and thought I'd give it a whirl...

1. What types of food were are you most likely to overeat?

Anything that is easy to eat. Often times I will have a lot of lovely produce and always go for the foods that are quickest to eat, which is sad to me. For example, last week I bought three boxes of meatless meats, (hamburgers, chicken etc) and I swear to you I hate them at every meal until they were gone. And got very sick as I suspect I'm a little sensitive to soy. Anyhow, if I have baked goods around or pretty much anything that tastes good and doesn't require a lot of work to make I will eat them continuously until they are gone. Josh is the same way, however he is skinny, and I'm not.

2. What times of day did do you overeat most often?

Anytime, but mostly when I'm not being watched.

3. What feelings were you having most often when you overateeat?
Satisfaction while it is happening or glee even. Whatever glee means haha. Followed with guilt. Its like scratching an itch, the feeling of instant gratification.

4. Do you think you have a binge eating disorder?
I think I have touches of it, yes. I think we all have this idea that a binge eater is totally out of control, in their bedroom with a stockpile of food eating until they pass out. Much like an alcoholic. But, this image isn't always true. The fact is, I am fat because I'm using food for reasons that it wasn't meant to be used for. I believe that everyone loves food just as much as I do, some people just don't overeat/binge because the repercussions (getting fat or feeling sick) are greater than the instant gratification of eating a lot of the food they love.

If binge eating means: feeling out of control to food, or eating more than you are supposed to in a given day: then yes, I have binged. Have I gone long periods of time without binging, yes. Do I think I have food addiction, yes.

Another thing I noticed about those (bloggers, because I can read their lives or friends) who have successfully lost weight: they either gain it back and mourn for the days when they were thin and/or they struggle daily with their battles with food. I think some of us will always have an issue with wanting too much of a good thing, its just a matter of finding a way to make it work.

5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain?

Every time I snuck food as a kid, every time I sneak food as an adult, every time I eat without thinking, or eating when I don't want to. Every time I didn't move or do something active.

6. Do you 'blame' anyone for your weight?


7. What other behaviors mademake you overweight?
Too much food, not enough exercise. I know that is generic, but if I'm not on trying to exercise. I don't. Its not a habit in my life and I'm not an active person other wise. I don't play sports and if I hang out with friends or family, its usually over or around food. I am a huge procrastinator, I don't do a lot unless I really have to. I can't tell you how many times I've started over or needed a day to figure out what I'm doing and "get things together". Its as though I never understand that the times when I'm not eating well or not exercising because I don't feel like it, well, those are the times when I most need to do so because I will always not really want to do any of it, especially after the initial excitement wears off. And it always does.

I've been fat my whole life, I think I've gotten used to being fat. And on many levels I am comfortable with it, and in denial about it. But, also realize that it is very painful to exist sometimes when you are fat.

8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight?

I've been continually gaining weight my whole life and I'm sure I've moved at some points during that time. Every time I have exercised for a long period of time, I've lost weight even without changing my diet.

9. What made you finally want to change?
I've been wanting to change for years. Literally, years and years and years. Since I was a kid and my family berated me for it, and I noticed that how many friends I had was a directly related to my weight. When I realized I wouldn't get asked out on dates or be able to wear "normal" clothing. I have been wearing plus sizes since I was like 11 or 12. So, I've always wanted to change, but perhaps not enough to actually change. I don't know what the answer is, other than just actually doing it, even when its hard.

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Help me or you win a free bike

Scale Junkie is giving away a free bike. Click here to enter.
I left a comment, and you should too. I actually have not been on a real bike in years, probably since I was 12 or 13. I have to say I am really curious to see if I can still ride a bike, and would really like to ride around Brooklyn before I move. I guess we'll see!

Good Luck!

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New week starts on Sunday

I like to start my weight loss goals for the week on Sunday. This week, I realize that I need to stop baking so much. I need to exercise every day and I need to not eat any crap. I have small goals, right? The reason why the scale goes up and down over and over is because I am not consistent.

I will do so good for about a week and the scale will start going down and its as if I start panicking and think "this can't work, so I'll eat to prove myself right" and thats what happens. Its really annoying and I need to stop doing it. Its okay to have off days, but not off weeks if I want to consistently lose weight. I worked out a couple of times last week, but my eating was off the mark so many times. I felt like crap and my energy was down because of it.

Goals for this week:
Go to the gym everyday, sunday-sunday
eat out only once

and overall:
Limit baking to once a month (sigh)

The scale is holding at 272 right now. I'll do another weigh-in next Sunday.

What are your goals for this week?

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Around the Blogosphere

Fat Brides Maid wrote a really insiteful blog post yesterday and I really agree with her. We are all trying to lose weight (meaning those that read this and those that have weight loss blogs) and we need to appreciate ourselves more and stop beating ourselves up over everything. I want to work more changing my attitude about myself, and my weight loss efforts. And in that, just appreciate where I am in life right now at this weight. She explains it better here:

Time Outs- Fat Brides Maid

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gym and weight loss

So it seems that my weigh in of 270 was a temporary fluke, but never fear it seems that my new steady weight is 273-274! Which is down from my last steady of 278.
I'm trying hard not to get mentally crazy about the scale, but I know that I need to weigh myself at least to know if I'm making progress. I know that 270 will eventually be my new steady weight and it will continue to go lower.

I went to the gym yesterday and did 50 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of strength training. It felt really good to get back in the gym and I'm ready to keep going! I'm going to go to the gym again tonight. I really want to focus on making this gym thing a habit that I do without thinking not to do. Or over working it in my head. I know my diet needs some work, but if I can get the work out stuff down for now I know eventually my diet will start to get better with some work.

This post is a little scattered, but I hope it makes a little sense! :) I feel like I am getting closer to my goals every day.

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