Scale Trickery

This is probably really obvious, but this morning as I was weighing myself I noticed that in one spot of the bathroon I weigh 279.5 and then another part I weighed 285. It probably has something to do with leveling, but I thought it was interesting either way.

Also I'm learning that I can be full on less food. Lightbulbs are going off everywhere my friends.

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Health is Wealth Spring Rolls

I love these Spring Rolls, they are really good and aren't full of crap like most frozen foods.

They are low in fat, no MSG, and they are completely free of artificial additives, colors, flavors and preservatives.

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Serving Size 2 Pieces

Amount Per Serving
Calories 70
Total Fat 2g
Dietary Fiber 5g

2 Points for 4

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This weeks Fresh Direct Order

fresh direct
I heart Fresh Direct:

1/1 FreshDirect Parbaked Whole-Wheat Round Rolls - (6-pack) ($2.99/ea) $2.99

2/2 Farmland Antibiotic-Free Fat Free Milk - (1/2 gallon) ($1.85/ea) $3.70 S
1/1 Louis Rich Turkey Bacon - (12oz) ($2.99/ea) $2.99
1/1 New England Fresh Grade A Large White Eggs - (1 dozen) ($1.79/ea) $1.79
1/1 Pillsbury Buttermilk Biscuits - (4 cans) ($2.19/ea) $2.19

1.0/0.89 lb Provolone Cheese, Sliced - (Thin Slices) 0.89 lb ($5.99/lb) $5.33

1/1 Boca All American Classic Burgers - (4pc) ($3.99/ea) $3.99
1/1 Health Is Wealth Spring Rolls - (6pc) ($3.39/ea) $3.39
2/2 Weight Watchers Smart Ones Traditional Lasagne w/ Meat Sauce - (10.25oz) ($2.60/ea) $5.20 S

3/3 Organic Bartlett Pear - (Farm Fresh, Med) 1.33 lb ($1.99/lb) $2.65
5/5 Organic Honey Tangerine - (Farm Fresh) ($0.39/ea) $1.95
3/3 Organic Yellow Bananas - (Farm Fresh, Half Yellow) 1.08 lb ($0.59/lb) $0.64

1/1 Fresh Step Scoopable Cat Litter - (14lb) ($8.99/ea) $8.99 (Simon Love)
3/3 Luna Chocolate Pecan Pie Bar - (1.69oz) ($1.50/ea) $4.50

Heat & Eat
1/1 Almost Perfect Mashed Potatoes - (24 oz) ($3.99/ea) $3.99

Vegetables & Herbs
1/1 Dole Classic Romaine - (10oz) ($2.49/ea) $2.49
2/2 Green Cucumber - (Farm Fresh, Med) ($0.89/ea) $1.78
1/1 Organic Jumbo Broccoli - (Organic) ($1.99/ea) $1.99
5/5 Plum Tomato - (Farm Fresh, Lg) 0.64 lb ($1.69/lb) $1.08

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Dove Real Beauty Ad

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living on the (gazelle) edge

This (Gazelle Edge) arrived today in the mail (so I've been informed). It was kind of a last-minute thing... It started innocently with whey protein shakes and then I saw it and well, now its in my living room. I Will let you know how it goes, if I don't break it.

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stay calm, move forward

I wrote a couple of posts this weekend and soon after decided to delete all of them. They were full of negativity and self-loathing and while I think it shows a part of me that is real and exists, I realized that I needed to write it down more than actually sharing it.

The truth is I do get down on myself a lot. I’m hard on myself, and I have internal dialogue that tells me to not let up because then I wouldn’t be those things I beat myself up for not being. It’s a vicious cycle and it really needs to end at some point.

I’m starting to slowly understand that it’s not all about all of these things I do wrong or don’t do, its my attitude that brings me down almost all of the time. I expect failure, and it comes. With every aspect of my life when things seem to be going too good I almost always find a way to mess up it. And then I can say to myself “see, I told you, I knew you couldn’t succeed even if you tried”. Its sad, really.

I understand that change comes from constant reminder. I often think “okay, I know what I need to do” and keep going and stop reminding myself of what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. For example, all of these little tidbits of information that I pick up, inspiration, and goals all go to the wayside once life kicks in. I’ve decided to do a bit of daily checking in with myself, and writing in this blog is one way to stay on track mentally. I suppose this is all a bit of a ramble, but for me it makes a ton of sense.

Stay calm, move forward.

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theres a snow storm in brooklyn tonight! woo
maybe no work tomorrow? mayyybbee?
I work at a place that has snow days, no joke.
Anyhow, updates and all that jazz tomorrow from work or...home. Heres hoping.

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I know this is a late response but, why do I find this so cliche' and annoying?

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And someone else's opinion

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a little sweet junk for the trunk

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I ordered a couple of boxes of frozen pretzals the other day and they arrived last night. I love (love love) soft pretzals with mustard. I don't have any mustard.

Anyway, they have 160 calories and/or 3 points each. I made a sweet 1 point dipping "sauce" for it last night. I took about 1/2 of a tablespoon (or less) of olivio (butter) melted with about a teaspoon of brown sugar and cinnamin. Can you tell I have a sweet tooth?

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New Shirt?

Last night I went to put on a shirt before the grocery delivery got here and I grabbed a black one I hadn't worn since last summer. I walked past the mirror and thought "ooh, I like this shirt, where has this one been?". I then realized that the reason why I liked it so much is because it fits.

So I got to thinking about weight loss as I watch the scale move down this week. And wanted to comment on something that maybe other people deal with too when struggling with weight. Before I started Weight Watchers, I didn't think I was eating that bad. Don't get me wrong, it was much improved from the time before I moved, but I really wasn't watching closely. Sure, the weight came off when I first got here from all of the walking, about ten pounds. But, I was getting annoyed that it had slowed around the 298's. Now that I am watching an recording everything, I can see I was really wrong in my assumptions. Its not too difficult to realize really. If I had thought maybe "well, I thought I was eating "ok", but I'm not losing weight, maybe I should start thinking more about what I'm eating" I was actually eating close to 50-60+ points a day which is enough for me to maintain, but not lose. I was just sort of barely watching what I was eating. Cheese pizza instead of pepperoni, lots of eating out, and not watching portions and I never lost or gained a pound for two months.

I have a few tips that I believe are astonishingly obvious, but I didn't practice until now:

1) Cook. I like eating out, once in awhile, but its really hard to know exactly what you are eating. I used to eat the chicken nachos from yummy taco, assuming it wasn't that bad until I started adding up all the parts of it; sour cream, cheddar cheese...on and on. I find that when I cook, I know exactly what I'm eating and whats in it, plus taking my own food to work helps. Is it more work? Yes. Is it impossible for someone busy? No, I don't think so.

2) Measure and count everything. If you use oil, butter, or sauces count them all even if they seem to disappear in the cooking process. I'm always tempted not to add these things in, but who am I fooling here? 1 tablespoon of olive oil has 120 calories and 3.5 points, not too bad if you learn to use it.

3) Exercise, even a little will help. As I write this it is 7am and I got up at this time to exercise. I've said this a million times, I consider my commute to work a little exercise, but I can do more. If you feel pain or out of breath from even a little bit of movement (ie: a flight of stairs) see your doctor and start out slow. Maybe start out dancing for 5 minutes straight, and then 10 and so on. This will also help if you have a lot of weight to lose, or if you have lost and gained weight before to keep your skin in better shape when the weight is gone. This is one of my fears actually, to be left with the mold of my former self, but thats not a reason not to lose really (I keep telling myself that). But if you are forming muscle and losing fat, your skin will hopefully follow along too.

4)If it tempts you, don't buy it. Since I've started I have had things around that tempt me so I eat them all the time or at once until they are gone. Remember the 20 point granola bar day? If it doesn't require cooking and tastes good, more than likely I will want it all of the time. This one has been hard for me to accept. It doesn’t mean I can't have them ever, it just means I can't have them around the house for occasions. I mean who really only eats one of those 100 calorie Hershey bars? Really? I'd like to meet that person.

5) Fiber and Protein are you friends. I go to meetings and I hear things like "I'm still hungry after I eat" and the leader says "well, what did you eat?" and the lady says "a slice of pizza"...are you kidding me? I would be too, unless I ate like 5 slices, which is why I don't eat pizza. Eating foods high in protein and fiber, will keep you fuller longer. Choose foods that you can eat more of instead of ones that won't keep you full, but you like because of the taste.

6) Just because a box or a commercial tricks you into thinking its healthy, doesn't mean it is. I hate when I see boxing that throw words around like "whole grain", "no trans fat", "yogurt", "fat free" in brightly colored boxes with pictures of people running around. As if to say these are the "magical foods" for weight loss. True, some snacks can help on days when you just need that something extra, but they are not staple foods...they are essentially snacks and junk food. Just because its not fried five times, doesn't mean its not crap. If it had calories and no nutrients, that’s considered junk food. This one is hard for me, learning to accept that I don't need these around is hard, but helpful in the long run.

7) Be Consistent. I liked what this one lady said "if you fall off the wagon. The wagon is still there, just get back on it". So you say screw it for a couple of days. So what? That won't hurt you overall, it may slow things down temporarily (just look at last week for me). You just keep going.

8) Love yourself and feel good about who you are, these things will essentially be what makes you take care of you.

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Banana Bread

I made it this morning and its very good, I highly recommend trying it
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2 medium bananas- 3.5 (mine were very ripe/brown...I saved them!)

1 tablespoon diet butter- 2 points

½ cup sugar- 7.5 points

2 tablespoons skim milk- 1 point

1 whole egg- 2 points

¾ cup flour- 6 points

1 teaspoon vanilla extract- zero

Dash of Salt- zero
1 teaspoon of baking powder- zero

Total points for bread: 18.5 points for all of bread

Bake at 350 degrees until done (about 15 minutes) in bread pan or 9 x 9 cake pan

4 servings: 4.6-5 points each serving

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Thought for today...

If you do things the way you always did them, you get what you always got.

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Dinner for Two

Tonights dinner:
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Corn on the cob+ 1/2 tablespoon Butter (i cant believe its not butter)- 2 point
baked chicken breast w/ 1 tablespoon olive/soy oil- 6 points
1 medium potato w/ 1 tablespoon olive/soy oil- 6
cucumbers- zero
low fat (1 tbslp) wishbone dressing- 1 point
total points: 15 points

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Epiphany and other random thoughts

That was a tiny blog break for me. My family and friends came for a visit on Saturday, which was a really nice time. We danced, laughed and explored the city. I feel like my eating is back on track from the small hiatus of this past week with valentines day and the arrival of the highly anticipated groceries.

I’ve had a cold/sickness for the last few days and missed weight watchers on Sunday. I kept thinking “oh god, the demise of my plan, I missed a meeting”. Yeah, self-sabotage anyone? But, no I lost 1 pound last week which I will gladly take. That puts me at a total loss of 10lbs since I started weight watchers.

I’ve had a lot of random thoughts about weight lately and some I think are brilliant. It’s always funny to me when I finally “get” something. You know when you hear sayings over and over and you just sort of ignore the message because its overused and then your perspective changes from an event and its sort of like “oh!” yes, I see now.

The first thought is this:
“There is no magic pill or solution for weight loss” every logical person knows this, but I never really understood or accepted this so to speak. I guess in the back of my mind I always thought on some level that there was something that would make me lose weight.

Something would happen in my life, I would find the best diet for me, or it would just happen, because eventually I knew it had to happen.
What I didn’t accept mentally was that this “thing” is not a thing…it’s me.

I’m not sure if this makes sense to anyone that reads this, but how many times have we been enticed by the thoughts that something would come along and make the journey easier? If only I had those new tennis shoes, workout clothes, exercise DVD, a gym membership, that diet plan, something…anything that would make it different, this time.

Sadly, and fortunantly at the same time, all of that exists right now. Those small moments when you exercise, choose better foods, go for a walk, say no to dessert, take your lunch to work, dance like you’ve never danced before and faced those insignificant self-defeating fears while believing that you and your life are worth losing the weight for…that’s the “magical solution’ to weight loss.

I’ve given myself permission to break free of waiting for something to happen to make me change. I’ve decided that getting excited about weight loss comes not while I’m deciding to lose weight, and while planning it, or even after a food binge, it comes while I’m actually losing weight.

(Second thought in next entry)

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Vegetable Lasagna and Curried Chicken Salad

This is a recipe I threw together for vegetable lasagna last night:
Fat free ricotta- 7
One whole egg – 2
4 string cheese- 8
Spaghetti sauce (one jar)- 12
Parmesan cheese (2 tbls)
One egg plant- 0
Mushrooms (about 10)-0
Green peppers-0
Two smallish tomatoes-0
About 3 oz. provolone- 9
Garlic (minced)-0
Lasagna noodles- 12
50 points for whole pan
Makes 6 servings 8.3 points each

I really liked it, even though its not totally like tradition lasagna and next time I think I will use zucchini instead of egg plant and will throw in some spinach next time as well. I served this in a bowl because its kind of uhm...loose, heh, but it has a really nice flavor and its good for lunch the next day or dinner. I also used two layers of noodles one on the bottom and one on the top to save some noodle calories.

I also made a curry chicken salad yesterday and I highly recommend it for something a little different.
Its very easy...
boil two chicken breasts until done and then cut in small parts or put in a processor, the rest I just sort of put in according to taste...
low fat plan yogurt, light mayo, curry powder and granny smith apple. I served this on a French baguette and four points a serving of 1 cup.

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the portion police

I'm sure by now everyone has heard the about what a portion looks like...dice, a deck of cards and a computer mouse. I never really gave it much attention until today when I was eating blocks of provolone. I saw that 1oz of provolone has 3 points, but what does one ounce look like? Four Dice. Thats pretty reasonable, I think.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting So thats how much cheese I ate.

And if you're curious...

one ounce of poultry or meat looks like a matchbox
three ounces of poultry or meat (the recommended size for a meal) looks like a deck of cards or a bar of soap
three ounces of fish looks like a checkbook
one ounce of cheese looks like four dice
medium potato looks like a computer mouse
two tablespoons of peanut butter looks like a ping pong ball
one cup of pasta looks like a tennis ball
one bagel looks like a hockey puck

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they did it, they actually freakin' did it.

So check the new Dove Ad campaign for their pro-age line...

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why the token fat girl

I'm not sure I ever explained the reasoning for naming this blog “the token fat girl” . There isn't one specific reason, but many experiences compiled. I guess it comes from the saying "the token black guy" for movies and TV that center mostly around white people.

In my life I have felt like that guy, except I’m a white-fat girl. At parties, in school, and in a lot of my life experiences I’ve been the odd one out, so to speak. I feel like there is always one of us and in other parts of the world there are other versions of me, the fat girl.

My stories about being fat are true and also very cliché, you can pretty much guess it all. No dates, the sad lengths I've gone to for male acceptance or attention, being made fun of, being tripped down the hallway on my first day of seventh grade, the looks, the snickers, the small seats, the snide comments from family, or even the boosted confidence of the thin people around me.

In college, I always felt like the "token fat girl" at parties or in a lot of social gatherings. It's hard to explain to other people, but when you are a fat girl/woman in our society you get used to the fact that nothing will fit you in most stores, all advertising is for women half your size and there are tons of movies that point out or make fun of fat women. In fact, a good portion of the movies and TV I have seen make fun of fat people. Fat suit anyone?

I don't say these things for pity, because they are apart of who I am and where I’ve come. Most people at some point in their lives are treated unfairly for some reason or another.
But, being fat has made me feel immature, dumb, ungraceful and at times simply inhuman.

It’s very interesting and strange to me that I've become someone who is very open about their weight issues. I guess I sort of feel like I should inform people that yes, I know I'm fat. You wouldn’t believe how many people in some form or another has needed to inform me of this. As if I wasn’t aware.

The truth is I figure I've come a long way and where I am and where I'm headed isn't so bad.

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Post Valentine's Day

I hope everyone had a delicious Valentine's Day!

After yesterday's Valentine’s gorge (check out the food diary) I wanted to weigh myself this morning, curiously thinking that it would show up on the scale. Surprisingly, it didn't, or hasn't and even shows a slight loss. Anyway, today continues as usually with 36 points.

I'm still feeling sick (sore throat + low energy) so I don't think I will be going into work this morning; this will give me some time to do a little cleaning before my company gets here this weekend. Three of my favorite friends, my mom and sister are taking the "red eye" bus to NYC Friday evening and will get here just shy of 9am on Saturday. It's always a thrill for me to show people around New York for the first time and also exciting for me to have company in my apartment which doesn't happen very often. It's always fun to have friends in your new apartment for the first time, it’s almost a mandatory christening for us it seems, even though I've been here going on six months.

My groceries will be here around 2pm today, I'm abnormally excited about that. I've heard of this great sandwich with brie and apples on nice crusty bread and I can’t wait to make that today. It’s a little adventurous for me, considering that I eat at subway 3+ times a week and it is always meat with lettuce, tomatoes, pickle, light mayonnaise and provolone…always…every time. Of course, they do not have brie or apples at subway.

I know I've mentioned this before, but I'd really like to do some video posts in the future, possibly with cooking or exercising. I suppose for now, I could take photographs of the food I make?

Anyway, today is about getting back on track, no need to mull over the delicious food from yesterday, right?

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stat counter

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly ammused that someone from McDonalds found my blog. I will assume that they have someone scouring the internet for hours every day looking for people that mention them on websites. Does this job really exist? I'm very curious about that. Or maybe someone at McDonalds is really bored with their job.
Check it out:
(Mcdonald's Corporation) Illinois, Hinsdale, United States, 0 returning visits

Date Time WebPage
12th February 2007 14:47:42 mail.google.com/mail/?view=page&name=gp&ver=sh3fib53pgpk

Also, I'm concerend that someone in Bronx, NY found my blog by googling
"if i eat a big turkey salad as my only meal for the day will i get fat"
Do people really think like this? Hm...

Dear Bronx,
The answer is no. You get fat by eating too much + not exercising. Want proof? Check out my stats, I didn't get here by eating one big turkey salad a day.
Love, Token Fat Girl

And finally, a lot of people find my blog because they google "always thirsty" I can relate. I'm always thirsty, I think. Well, I crave water and I cannot eat without something to drink. The air is dry in the winter which could be a cause. Water is your friend.

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I got a Nintendo Wii Sunday night from Joshie as a Valentine's Gift! I love it!
We have been playing the Wii sports boxing for the last couple of nights and I can honestly say it is quite the work out. My arms are non-functioning and feel a lot like someone beat them with a hammer.
I went to weight watchers.com to see if there are activity points for 15 minutes of boxing and there are 4 (according to my weight) so thats pretty exciting.
Which has got me thinking about more fun exercises that I want to try. I thought about making a little routine with exercises that I don't mind.

This is what I came up with:

3 sets of 12 wall push-ups
3 sets of 12 leg lifts (the kind that work your stomach and legs, think gym class)
3 sets of 12 lunges
do the jorge cruise 8 minutes exercises
do at least 4 sets of boxing on the nintendo wii
and 20 minutes of high intensity dancing

Thats my little exercise goal for the rest of the week

PS: check out my food diary. I havent been doing horrible, nothing I want to mentally go crazy over, but I can do better. I ate all of my points (basically) in brakfast and lunch today...sooo I really need exercise points to even eat tonight. I know Josh is taking me out to dinner tomorrow, so I will use my flex points for that and eat light the rest of the day. Also, my family and friends are coming this saturday for a visit, so I want to use my points in moderation. I will really be cutting it close this week as far as points. So, the addition of groceries will be helpful and I can just aim to be better, eh? My weight goal is 2 lbs this week which will be 286 on the WW scale. I'm rambling :)


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So, I did my internet grocery shopping today and thought I would share my food list. This is the most I have bought in awhile, but I wanted to stock up the pantry and freezer. I got a couple of "snackish" foods, which I usually stay away from, but I think its a good test of willpower to have things that are okay in moderation without gorging...I'll let you know how it goes.
FreshDirect Parbaked Italian Demi-Baguette (7oz) ($1.49/ea) $2.98
1 FreshDirect Rice Crispie Squares (4 pack) ($2.99/ea) $2.99
1 Zucchini Bread (12oz) ($4.99/ea) $4.99

1 Les Petites Fermieres Brie Cheese (7oz) ($5.99/ea) $5.99
1 Morning Select Low-Fat Plain Yogurt (8oz) ($0.69/ea) $0.69
1 Nasoya Won Ton Wrappers (12oz) ($1.79/ea) $1.79
1 New England Fresh Grade A Large White Eggs (1 dozen) ($1.99/ea) $1.99
1 New Square Skim Milk (1/2 gallon) ($2.49/ea) $2.49
1 Organic Valley Slim Line Reduced-Fat Monterey Jack Cheese (8oz) ($3.99/ea) $3.99
1 Pillsbury Grands! Homestyle Biscuits (8pc) ($1.99/ea) $1.99
1 Polly-O Nonfat Ricotta Cheese (15oz) ($3.29/ea) $3.29

1 Godshall's Maple Turkey Bacon (12oz) ($3.99/ea) $3.99
0.5 lb Plainville Farms Turkey Pastrami (Standard) ($5.99/lb) $3.00 *
1.0 lb Provolone Cheese, Sliced (Cubes) ($5.99/lb) $5.99 *

3 Lemons (Farm Fresh, Med) ($0.59/ea) $1.77
2 Red Jacket Orchards Granny Smith Apples, 4 pack (4pk) ($3.49/ea) $6.98
5 Yellow Bananas (Farm Fresh, Half Yellow) ($0.59/lb) $1.33 *

1 A Taste Of Thai Pad Thai Noodles for Two (9oz) ($2.69/ea) $2.69
2 Annie's Homegrown Alfredo Macaroni & Cheese (7oz) ($1.50/ea) $3.00 S
3 Apple & Eve Cranberry Apple Juice (8.45oz boxes 3pk) ($1.09/ea) $3.27
1 Barilla Thin Spaghetti (16oz) ($1.09/ea) $1.09
1 Barilla Ziti (16oz) ($1.19/ea) $1.19
1 Bearitos White Corn Tortilla Chips (16oz) ($2.89/ea) $2.89
1 Bionaturae Organic Whole Wheat Penne Rigate (16oz) ($2.49/ea) $2.49
1 Contadina Tomato Paste (6oz) ($0.69/ea) $0.69
1 Del Monte Fresh Cut Diced Tomatoes (14.5oz) ($1.19/ea) $1.19
1 Dutch Country Stroehmann Honey Cracked Wheat Bread (22oz) ($2.79/ea) $2.79
1 Health Valley Blueberry Cobbler Cereal Bars (6pc) ($2.49/ea) $2.49
1 Manischewitz Yolk Free Wide Noodles (12oz) ($1.29/ea) $1.29
1 Marukan Rice Vinegar (12oz) ($2.29/ea) $2.29
1 Nabisco Fat Free Fig Newtons Cookies (12oz) ($3.99/ea) $3.99
1 Nature's Best Honey Bear (12oz) ($3.49/ea) $3.49
1 Old El Paso Taco Seasoning Mix (1.25oz) ($0.99/ea) $0.99
1 Thomas' Sahara White Pita Pocket Bread (6pc) ($1.99/ea) $1.99

Heat & Eat
1 Deli Style Red Bliss Potato Salad (16oz) ($2.99/ea) $2.99
1 FreshDirect Guacamole (16oz) ($6.99/ea) $6.99

1 Boneless Chicken Breasts, Bulk Pack (10lb pack) ($1.79/lb) $17.90 *

Vegetables & Herbs
1 Baby Bello Mushrooms, Packaged (8oz, Farm Fresh) ($2.99/ea) $2.99
1 Basil (Farm Fresh) ($1.99/ea) $1.99
2 Green Cucumber (Farm Fresh, Med) ($0.79/ea) $1.58
4 Plum Tomato (Farm Fresh, Lg) ($1.69/lb) $1.69 *
1 Regular Eggplant (Farm Fresh, Med) ($1.49/lb) $3.73 *
1 Russet Potato, Bag (Farm Fresh, 5lb bag) ($2.49/ea) $2.49
1 Scallions (Farm Fresh, bunch) ($0.69/ea) $0.69
1 Yellow Corn (4 pack, Farm Fresh, husked 4 pack) ($3.99/ea) $3.99

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Weigh-In for the end of week three

I lost 3.4 lbs this week! I am very pleased with that. My weight watchers weight is: 288.2 bringing me to a total loss of 9.4 pounds since I started January 21st.


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Happy Smiling People


all those happy people!

Oh, how I love advertising. Effectively achieving goals one day at at time… ever have that feeling … your hair doesn’t shine enough, your teeth not white enough, your thighs not smooth enough, your family not smiling enough, your car not big enough (suv, anyone?) or fancy enough, you're simply not creating these over elated moments of satisfaction everyday (every second) of your life? Ah, yes the power of advertising. I’ll give it to them, they are witty and creative. The people-always smiling with wedding rings, one boy and one girl, two story house, big car in the garage, dog with a Frisbee, and its always sunny unless you're selling soup on a cold winters day…snuggled by the fire in a little cottage, (your second home) in the mountains, of course.

Do you ever wonder how advertising effects what your eating? The commercials with the up close view of a moist cookie breaking apart, or a cheesy pizza sloooowwwlly being lifted out of the pan, its so effective. I don’t have cable, so I don’t watch commercials, but I remember how effective commercials were. I knew when McDonalds or Burger King had a new artery clogging invention, and I always wanted to try it (and always did). The people eating it are always thin, always smiling and the food glistened. It does glisten, right? They effortlessly make us all think that it is normal to be eating all this food, all the time.

I did a little research…

Frito Lay.com Check out those families! Do you see the creepy yellow smiling face on the left side of the site smiling about all those chips he is eating? The dad sharing a bag of chips with his son, the wholesome family standing around the grill with a bag of chips, so normal, so happy to be snacking all the time on chips…chips chips chips, it must be normal to feed your family chips all the time.

McDonalds.com I love the girl on her cell phone, she’s so hip and cool. She’s chatting away about French fries and how cool McDonalds is…she starts singing “ba ba ba ba baba I’m loving it.” You go girl!

And then the guy jumping in the air, oh wow, how many hamburgers does it take to jump that high? And those kids at the park playing! The world of McDonalds is so bright and shiny. But, the best part of all is this guy: What is he doing? Is it me, or did his fried chicken breast with bacon and cheese give him an orgasm? Perplexing. And how many young men does this guy represent, continuing the cycle of only eating fast food, everyday?

I know why advertising exists and why it is the way it is, I just like the idea of challening ourselves and the ideas that huge corporations feed into our culture and everyday lives.


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Food Pity Party

Take Care of yourself

I did well this week with food; I ate out a couple of times this week and made smart choices with portion and the food I chose. There were a couple of times that I would find myself falling into a pity party with food. It goes something like this mixed with sighs of exasperation

“but, everyone else gets to eat foods they like, why can’t I?”

“one of those donuts won’t hurt, just one! I will get one…hm, no I won’t…yes, just one…er no” ,

“why can’t I just eat normally”

“agh, im tired of tracking everything”

These feelings are normal and are the same feelings that honestly would bring me down and headed towards the grocery store. It wasn’t as if I told myself “no” to all of these thoughts, but I just didn’t linger in them. Avoiding situations temporarily (note, the word temporary) that could bring on “food pity parties” can really be a good idea. If you feel like you will be around people plunging into grease and sugar, give yourself a moment alone to compose your thoughts and come up with a plan of action. It only takes a minute and that minute can give you long-term consistency.

Something else that I will admit is that I often do not want to be seen buying bad foods in public. Some people may have this fear, but ignore it and put on a brave face and others simply may not care. Either way, I don’t think these fears should be used as a tools to lose weight because it simply puts more stress and low self-esteem in your life, but it is very rare that I will have a craving enough to go out and buy junk food or gorge on grease in front of co-workers. My fat and the fear of what people may think is so great that if I did buy unhealthy food it would always have to be mixed in with other non-overeating treats. Can other people relate to this? It’s kind of funny, really, but it’s like the ever-embarrassing condom checkout, you don’t want to just buy condoms, so you put other things on the counter so hopefully they don’t stand out as much and get lost in the other stuff. For me is was went like this: lettuce, ice-cream, chicken breast, cheese, frozen pizza, tomatoes, cookies, whole wheat bread, potatoes, candy, carrots…you get the idea, never would I have the nerve as a 290+ girl to walk in and buy ice cream alone no, that would spin too much guilt and embarrassment. I would always think that the people seeing me carry the ice cream were thinking “another night alone but, she’s got ice cream” and that wasn’t far from the truth either…

I guess the point of this entry for me and for anyone else that may read this and need inspiration to keep going, is to keep going! Don’t let pity parties end dismiss all of your efforts. Don’t feel bad for taking care of you, celebrate it!


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Reasons not to be fat

The week is flying by, much like last week and the week before and the week before...

My week is going well eating-wise, except for the quiche I had on Monday. Which is a good example of how this eating plan lets you have foods that you enjoy and still lose weight.

A couple of things that are helping me through my third week, is actually making it here. Countless time I've given up at the first week, er even the first day. It's hard to say what works and what doesn't. Paying 40$ a month keeps me going to the meetings, and the meetings keep me going through the week. There are days, especially at the beginning of the week when I think "well, it wont be horrible if I eat a lot of food today and then do better the rest of the week". I haven't followed those feelings, but in the past I have. They only put me in more denial and can tale spin into more days where I say "just today, but I'll start again tomorrow", which leads you nowhere and still fat. I'm finding the more days that I fight the desire to overeat, the stronger I become. Because I begin to say "I've come this far, its not worth it" and I slowly feel that the pay off of overeating is not as great as the payoff of seeing weight loss everyweek.

I keep reminding myself of summer and how hot it is here. I sweat a lot as I mentioned before. I sweat when it is 60 degrees outside and even more when it is 100 degrees outside. It's even worse in new york, because of the lack of air conditioning everywhere (as it seems) and the walking which are bad combinations for those like me.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

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first weigh-in for february

As I was weighing in, the lady at weight watchers looked at me past her computer screen and asked if I had a good week, I said yes I believe I did. She said “I can tell you lost 4 pounds”. I was so excited, I couldn’t believe it. I knew I lost maybe 3, but was not expecting 4. Which brings my total to 6lbs loss since I started. I think using two scales is a little confusing for me, so I’m going to stick to the scale at weight watchers from now on to record my losses. I plan on posting new pictures this week and I want to focus on a couple of things this week
1) exercise 2) getting points from meals not snacks/juice 3) being more organized with preparing and planning meals (keeping the kitchen clean so I will want to cook)

We are having a staff meeting at work today which means I have to be there an hour early, but it also means we will have breakfast there too. I work with a healthy lot of people so I expect turkey sausage and some other sorts of good food. Its also very very cold today, weather.com says it feels like -4 right now and will feel about 0 at noon. So excited to walk in that…hmph.

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The demise of fear

I’m actually losing weight. For a long time I had a fear that even if I tried to lose weight, I wouldn’t. I’m not sure if I believed that I couldn’t lose weight or wouldn’t, but the fear was “even if I try, it won’t work. I will spend all this time trying and nothing will come of it”. Who knows where these fears or ideas come from that have kept me from trying in the first place, or would get me started and then two days later leave me thinking “this won’t work anyway”.

I think the fear of failure can be a powerful fear that keeps me (and a good deal of other people) from becoming who they believe they really are. After high school or college when reality settles in somewhere between paying bills and settling into a new chapter; sometimes even wanting or reaching for a dream can almost be the same as saying “I grew wings last night and I think I’ll take flight by mid-afternoon”. It seems silly to a lot of people who aren’t or never will fulfill their wildest desires. It all seems so cliché when the alarm goes off, or when babies are screaming (if that happens to be what’s going on), or when the smaller passing things in life are happening.

So back to the beginning statement, the weight watchers scale is a bit more than my scale at home. My mom seems to think that the difference is that they have so many people using their scales. Regardless, it will show weight loss there as much as it does here. Last week I weighed in at weight watchers at 295 and at home at 290. This week I weigh in at 287 so I am very curious to see what I weigh in today at weight watchers. I believe I had a 2-3 pound loss this week, which is exactly what I want to lose for my goal.

For so long I thought “I can do this alone in moderation”, and people can. But, I never did…obviously. I had to decide to change things and agree to the program that promised me would work if I just followed it. I record everything, I track, I measure and it’s really not murder. It feels structured and real and I can actually see myself hitting the 230 mark by September and even the 200 mark by January.

So, one of my goals with blogging is that for anyone who reads this that feels how I’ve felt can believe in themselves enough to do the work it takes to follow your dreams. Even if it means declaring that you will take flight by mid-afternoon.

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wearing red and a dress pin will not lower your chances of heart disease

Something horrible must have happened in my sleep the night before last because my neck is very tense and tight. I just took pain medicine and muscle relaxers to help. There just is not a comfortable position to lay in when your neck hurts.

Anyway, happy groundhogs day! I've always disliked this holiday even as a kid. It never made sense to me and I never understood what actually was happening on this day. It remained cold no matter what the groundhog saw in my opinion. And besides, what if you live in southern california or florida? Its always warm there.

I exercised yesterday despite my neck problems and it was a lot of fun (josh participated in a little richard simmons love with me.). My exercise log is now up if you want to go read it over there -----> . I like this blog because I feel as though I am very honest with what I am doing to lose weight. Its my excuse-free zone, which is a first for me in years. I haven't exercised a lot since I started this blog. I don't have an excuse...a real excuse. Sure, work got busy, I was having PMS, I was tired, but, the truth is I simply didn't want to so I didn't. And that just isn't an excuse. My exercise goal for right now is rerouting my excuses. I could say "well I dont have time". I do have time. I make time to watch seinfeld, to surf the internet (to blog), to read, to do all the little things I like to do. So, for me to say I dont have at least 30 minutes a day out of 24 hours is really pathetic.

Its national heart month. A month to remind everyone (especially women) to take care of themselves and their hearts. check out www.americanheart.org for information and take the checkup test to calculate your risk of heart disease. There are studies coming out now showing that those with a waist of 35 inches or more are at a higher risk of heart disease than those with a smaller waist line.

Here is a little bit of information on high blood pressure that I found interesting and alarming.

"When the heart pumps blood into the arteries, the blood flows with a force pushing against the walls of the arteries. This force is called the blood pressure. When your blood pressure is measured, it is a measure of how hard the heart has to work to pump the blood.

When the arteries become hardened and narrowed with cholesterol plaque (atherosclerosis) and calcium (arteriosclerosis), the heart has to strain much harder to pump blood through them. This makes the blood pressure go abnormally high. High blood pressure is also called hypertension.

What makes high blood pressure important is that it usually causes no symptoms but can still cause serious complications."

What are you doing this month to take care of your heart?

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