11/26/2008

the shift

A huge weight has been lifted since I've written my last two posts. I also feel a shift in my perception of weight loss. It's gradual and I feel a lot of my old habits trying to creep in, but the shift is happening.

Yesterday morning I woke up and got on the scale: 283.

I wasn't hungry so I made a cup of coffee with a little of that sweetened creamer. I still wasn't hungry, but knew I should eat something so I decided to eat some eggs.

Eggs give me energy and keep my full. Usually when dieting I think about food a lot, and when I'm in "I'll diet tomorrow" mode, I want to stuff everything in my mouth.

Yesterday, I still felt myself wavering and had to look for the trust. I kept reminding myself to trust the process. I didn't linger too long in negative self-talk.

Late afternoon when I was hungry again I made chicken and vegetable pot-stickers.

Mid-day hit and a few things happened that made me feel sad and insecure. That is when I realized the role that emotions play in my overeating. I already knew this, but sometimes its so mindless that I never realize that when I'm upset I turn to food.

I didn't want dessert, I wanted to feel better.

I found myself thinking "I should make my thanksgiving desserts early" but I didn't because I knew I would sample them.

I found myself opening and closing the refrigerator, freezer and pantry. Just looking for food to distract me. There was nothing easy to go for except for string cheese and spinach, so I gave up. It was pretty funny, I looked like a lost dog looking and contemplating for something to take the edge off. I even started to thinking "eh, I could eat a dessert today and start this whole intuitive thing tomorrow".

And there it is. Right there, I felt a shift when my second thought was "I don't just start and stop this, this is always happening. not tomorrow, not next week. Right now." It wasn't a moment of strength because I honestly was feeling down, it was just a moment of clarity.

As the evening rolled on I drank a glass or two of wine, made a baked potato and just moved on.

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3 Comments:

Blogger butterfly said...

I loved the "I didn't want dessert, I wanted to feel better".

This is an excellent mind shift!

11:17 AM  
Blogger Losing Waist! said...

I loved that you knew about the Thanksgiving deserts and how if you made them early you would sample! Isn't that the truth- WE KNOW OURSELVES!

I can anticipate almost any food behavior I do. Like if I go INTO Walgreens to pickup my prescription then I will get a snack (or more than a snack)- so, I try to always use the drive through.

It sometimes baffles me that I have had such a struggle overcoming my food relationship issues! The mystery for me is not what I am going to do next, but why I am going to do it, even though I know what is coming...

I can anticipate it- where my "shift" (i love that term) is... in recognizing and using the anticipation as a tool- like you did with the deserts. "I know I am going to... So, instead I am going to..."

Fantastic! Your post really got me thinking about anticipation.

2:30 AM  
Anonymous Natali said...

You should try to add acupuncture to your program

12:34 PM  

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