Intuitive

That is a word that has also been on my mind for a very long time. If what I've been doing isn't working for me, I can't just throw in the towel. I need to find another way of doing things.

Intuitive.

I read a commenter yesterday who said "If i'm not losing weight, then I'm gaining". And that really applies to me, in the sense that if I'm not dieting then I'm eating too much. If I'm not exercising then I'm doing the total opposite. What haven't I been doing? Listening to my body.

I've been eating things even when I don't want them because I feel like I should eat them because I'm not dieting. Deep down, I enjoy exercise, but I don't do it unless I've planned it out. Unless its been scheduled in, unless I'm in "weight-loss mode". It doesn't need to be this way.

I'm spending a good deal of my life planning. Figuring things out. Researching the right way. All the while, waisting a lot of time not doing or moving forward.

I am not losing weight because I'm using dieting as a crutch. A diet to give me permission to eat dessert on occasion, a diet to give me a structure and a diet to tell me what is good for me. I know what is good for me.

I know that sweets (especially in the morning) and high carb foods make me so lethargic that I can't get anything done. They do not give me fuel or energy. They do not fill me up. They do not make me feel good or happy. I know that if I eat smaller meals at night time I lose weight. I know how much I should eat in order to lose weight. I don't need to count every thing excessively. I know that protein makes me feel good, and gives me energy. As well as vegetables. I know that I can have small portions of dessert on occasion and be satisfied. I know that I shouldn't keep excessive amounts of sweets in the house (or baking supplies!) because its too tempting. I realize that I like high calorie foods like pizza, and fried foods but I don't crave them or want them as much as I think I do.

I know all of these things, I have this information. Right now, I'm stopping the cycle. I've stopped waiting for the right diet plan, I've stopped putting exercise on my to-do list. I'm working on trusting myself. Trusting myself that I will take care of myself, that I can eat less, that I can exercise more.

Intuitive.

So here it is: I resign from my dieting mentality. I am going to stop beating myself up over the fact that I can't stand counting calories, or points or measuring out everything I eat. I am rededicating myself to my health and weight loss, because I feel better when I do. I will listen to my body and feed it what it wants, not what my head wants. I know what is healthy for me, I know how my body will lose weight and the insanity has to stop.

Today I start trusting myself. Today I feed myself fuel. My goal is to lose weight, to be in better health and to feel better about myself. I'm not setting a time line for it. I'm going to weigh-in every week publicly, but no more "I will weight 240 by the wedding" stuff. There is no starting and stopping point to good health. The weight will come off and I have to trust that it will happen and I can make it happen. Today I believe in myself.