11/24/2008

Antsy

Antsy is a good descriptive word for me these days.

Antsy that I haven't been blogging more, that I haven't been losing weight, that I haven't been eating the best that I can, that I'm getting married in less than seven months and cannot bear the thought of going down the aisle into that new chapter still fat, antsy to start yet another weight loss plan, antsy because I'm tired of starting new plans and doing them for a week or a day, antsy that I'm doing it all wrong- all attempts, antsy about holiday eating, wanting to be in better health, that walking- a habit I was finally used to is now a chore again like it was before, antsy that I'm not being serious about this, antsy that I'm letting the opinions of others get me down, antsy about it never happening, antsy that I'm not learning from my mistakes, and realizing what foods make me truly feel horrible, lethargic and depressed, antsy about the never ending food/trust/out of control cycle.

I want to blog, I want to record this journey, but sometimes a part of me wishes that no one was reading except for me. And I say that for the sole reason of the embarrassment and guilt I have over my lack of losing weight on my weight loss blog and the constant stopping and starting. The inconsistency which is exactly why I'm where I'm at, and where I've always been.

Where do I go from here? Aren't I stronger than this?

ITS JUST FOOD.

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9 Comments:

Blogger purple_moonflower123 said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have stopped and started many weightloss programs and/or diets. You will eventually reach the point where enough is enough. Even though it is hard, you can do it.

3:11 PM  
Blogger hannah katherine said...

it's such an antsy time of year anyway, so it's understandable that you're feeling this way. extend yourself some grace and try to focus on little things that you can control instead of where you want to be, which may seem unreachable right now. you'll get there.

6:16 PM  
Blogger Shiloah Baker said...

In addition to losing my weight I have learned how highly emotional food/weight are. I am now healing my emotions too with the book "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die".

Don't give up!

6:49 PM  
Blogger Losing Waist! said...

I wanted to say that if you blogged that you were losing eight pounds a week, every week, I wouldn't believe you or I wouldn't read your blog. I think you are going through what REAL people do and it is great to read about a REAL PERSON WITH REAL LIFE STRUGGLES. I don't expect to go through changing my body without some slow downs, weight gains and motivation issues and you shouldn't put yourself through that either.

If you need to remake your goals... I don't know... wouldn't something like "My goal is to eat rationally during the holiday season and maintain my current weight" be an accomplishment (I am not saying you haven't, it is just an example)? I know maintaining my weight is a huge challenge in my life because it seems that if I am not trying to lose weight I am gaining- never just maintaining. It doesn't mean you are settled there, just giving yourself a break!

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyday is a struggle.. Like today did I reaaly need to shove 7 cookies in my mouth? I did it anyway lol ... Everyday is a struggle for me. And I deal with it.. Because whay else am I suppose to do?

10:35 PM  
Blogger Hanlie said...

Oh yes, that sounds all too familiar! Even the wedding fears! I was doing so well with my weight loss effort for my wedding, but then fell off the wagon and started stressing very badly. Eventually I took the coward's way out - I cancelled the wedding and eloped!

You don't have to do that, but you've got to let go of the fear and doubt and start approaching this journey with love and confidence. You can do this!

3:33 AM  
Anonymous MizFit said...

the strength is, indeed, within you.

and perhaps---as much as we wanna go along for the ride---you might want to password your blog just for you?

some entries?

6:20 AM  
Anonymous Giyen said...

Lorrie,
You are totally an inspiration to me. One of the things that I am so proud of you about is the fact that you keep getting back up again and trying new things. What did Edison say? "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward"

Big hugs and Happy Turkey Day!

2:31 PM  
Blogger Southern Paris said...

Someone once told me that each new day is a "do over", trust me, I have to remind myself daily of that b/c I am constantly wanting to give up.

6:30 PM  

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