gratitude

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately about gratitude and appreciation. I feel like I have been on a journey trying to figure out who I am and I think the biggest part in figuring this out is facing a lot of truths that can be painful at times. The truth is, for a good portion of my life, I’ve found the easy way out of hard situations. Often times my interactions with other people have been out of fear, hate and anger. I struggle with feelings of guilt for not being a more positive and upbeat person. After taking a deeper look I know that being positive isn’t the easy road. Reacting to life’s twists and turns with anger is so easy and yet so unproductive. Sometimes I think “if I don’t get mad, then it didn’t matter” or “if I don’t react I didn’t make my point”.

I’ve been reading and thinking a lot about the Tao Te Ching lately and the philosophies are bringing me to a more thoughtful existence. I relate this to my issue of over eating- a lot of eastern philosophies believe that being excessive can throw off your health and wellness, it really makes sense to me. I feel like turning to food, anger, and negativity is easy, and ultimately unfulfilling. I think about my life and there really is so much to be grateful for.

I don’t want my biggest struggle to be that I had too much to eat, when there are so many people who have too little. The pain and voids that we feel are choices even if they do not present themselves that way. We teach people how to treat us, and allow others to bring us down. Isn’t it easier to frown instead of smile at people, face problems with anger and resentment, to eat food or watch TV instead of being active? I don’t want to go my whole life always looking for easy solutions, or avoiding situations and opportunities because of fear.

So, today I am grateful for self-awareness.