3/18/2007

To go or not to go, that was the question

First, I want to give a big thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! It was a really nice day and I did have dessert...twice. gasp!

So, at work I had a giant gourmet hostess styled chocolate cupcake which was good, but I felt like I was going to pass out from the sugar. Does this happen to anyone else out there in diet-blog-land? My tolerance for sugar is decreasing, my eyes tell me I can eat more and more of it like I used to. And then I realize that I feel like I've been hit by a bus.

Anyhow, later that evening Josh took me out to a French restaurant called Jolie. Oh lord, it was good. We had red wine, french bread, real butter, a cheese platter with grapes, steak, french fries with sea salt, creme brulee, and a blueberry crumble tart.

This week I've had progress in the fact that I exercised (er, once) and followed plan most of the week. However, the birthday splurge left me feeling very off-plan and not keeping track of things on paper only in my head which we all know is never good. I also feel lighter and smaller despite being at the same weight as last week. The reason I say this is because I fit into jeans I have been avoiding for quite some time. I've called them my 15-20 lb jeans, you know..."they will fit if I lose 15-20 lbs". And guess what? I've been wearing them all weekend and they are loose. Loose! Also, I went to the movies (Zodiac) tonight and did not feel like I was squeezing my thunder thighs between two plastic shards. I fit, comfortably.

I didn't go to weight watchers this morning and I quietly tip toed around the apartment so Josh wouldn't wake up. Not that he beats me for not going, but gives me the look of "why are you paying for this if you aren't going", which he gave me and he is right. I couldn't face them knowing I weigh the same after two weeks. I keep hearing this voice telling me "you weigh so much, you should lose every week". And part of me knows it is the truth. And knows there are times when I shouldn't have eaten what I did, but I feel like if I'm honest with myself, stay out of denial and keep going forward ...it will keep coming off. I'm unraveling years of food issues, body issues, people issues and personality issues. My weight isn't because I was once thin and got fat. I've always been fat.

When I was filling out my application for that weight-loss show they asked for a picture that I felt comfortable at. I really did not have one. I just threw one in from when I was 15 and at 180, but I felt just as fat then as I do now. They also asked "how did you become fat (in other words)?" and that was hard for me to answer. I didn't have babies, or get lazy, or have something traumatic happen. I just ate. A lot. All of the time.

So anyway, cheers to fitting into the 15-20 lb pants, to those that support me, and to those who are dedicated to their health and happiness.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Megan said...

What a wonderful feeling! It sounds like you are on your way to buying the next size down!

I have often felt like skipping a meeting, if I am afraid that I have not lost or, even worse gained. But then I remember something my leader said at my first meeting. You probably have heard this at yours:

If you have a bad week, then you need the meeting & if you have a good week, then the meeting needs you!

Keep up the good work!

11:07 PM  
Anonymous jessica said...

Lorrie, I totally get the sugar thing. I cut out a lot of sugar and chocolate at the end of last year and now if I have a cupcake, about 20 minutes later I feel like I'm going to hurl.

Go to your meetings! Even if you don't feel like it. You'll be happy you did once you're there. I thought I really hated cleaning and putting away the dishes, but in reality I just hated starting the process.

Congraats on the jeans!

12:58 PM  

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