Passionate about losing fat

For the last month, I’ve increased exercise (2-3 gym trips a week) and went back and forth on dieting methods. During this time, I kept thinking I need to mentally get into this full force. I had these ideas that this moderate (and at times, half-assed) way of losing weight, was clouding my mind with disillusions. I said to myself “this moderation is cute, but really I want to fight this fat head on”. I feel that moderation is key long-term, but I also feel like I need to be more invested. Every time I have these “crazy” notions of being totally passionate about being fit, I hear news and magazine articles ringing in my head “that’s crazy talk, take it slowly, otherwise you will fail”. I feel like my acceptance of a slow loss, is leaving me disappointed and distracted.

I was an avid follower of the art of fighting without fighting.

I’ve been looking for the easiest ways of beating a hard situation. I’ve been playing the lottery of weight-loss. I’ve been indecisive and the constant stop and start of this…isn’t working. One party here, pms there, and bi-weekly pity parties. I feel like I am running on a treadmill chasing after a carrot and the process is slowing to a halt. I’ve heard so many times, “in order to make change, you have to do what you haven’t done before”.

The truth is, this Token Fat Girl, has never truly been invested in losing weight.
Sure, I’ve dieted and worked out, but I was never invested mentally. I always knew that I would go back, fall down, and feel guilty. I would lose, and gain and lose what I gained again. It shouldn’t take 3 months to lose 5 or even 10 pounds. I should see weight loss every week.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I never have the desire to starve myself or work out 3+ hours a day and lose weight by beating myself down. But, really I need to work harder, become passionate and invested in my goals.

I was thinking about medical students, when this idea came up. A lot of these people are invested, they go to class, study and sacrifice their time and energy because they are invested, passionate and serious. Doesn’t it make sense this way…what if your doctor graduated with a C or D average and missed important seminars about spleen extraction or heart transplants? Ok, bad example. But, being totally into something is a sacrifice and up until now I’ve avoided this because of fear. I feared that it was unnatural to care so much (like, only superficial people care about their weight)…I believed what I was being told even when my instincts pointed me in another direction. When it comes to losing weight, its totally personal and individual, but the answers are there if we are willing to accept them. I would only accept a diet if it let me have a little bit of junk food, and an exercise plan if it allowed me to continue being lazy. Then I began to think that moderation should be after I lose weight.

I’m not sure where this journey will take me, but after reading this article about the hierarchy of fat loss, I’m convinced that what I’ve been feeling is correct. This is my pledge to be the former Token Fat Girl and there will be a lot of changes around here.