The truth about weighing 280 lbs.

The scale reads 281.5 today. I've been steadily counting my points for the past couple of days and recording it in the food log. Yesterday was a pretty lazy day: blog reading, movie watching, food cooking and a grocery delivery. I had some truth knocked into me about my weight, something I know I've talked about before. And it is:

If I'm not losing weight at my weight (as heavy as I am), I'm not doing it right. Which is so obvious. I like to use water weight as an excuse, but the truth is, if I'm not watching what I eat and how much I eat of it there is a lot of room for imaginary health. We all know this. I've lost weight before so I know I do not have an impairment. It's not a mystery as to why I have not gone lower than 273 in the past year. Its just not. Lack of consistency is a huge reason for that.

I also know that on Thursday is will be one year until I marry (the most lovely of people) and if I keep making excuses and keep thinking about losing weight, I will still be the same size that I am today. I actually pictured myself going through the dress process and wishing that I would have done this now. I would feel disappointed in myself. I don't want to feel that way, and not just for my wedding, but for life. I really really don't want to be in my 40's and 50's with health problems and think "I should have stopped this in my 20's".

The truth is, weight loss gets uncomfortable after awhile. I start getting antsy and wonder if I'm doing the right things even if I am losing weight. I also start getting too proud of small accomplishments. Every pound is a little more confidence and a little too much reassurance that its normal to eat too much junk.

Another truth is that on Weight Watchers I take the "eat what you want" mantra too far. I try to shove too many foods that I crave into all of my points slots leaving me little flexibility and it starts looking less that a diet. I came up with an idea while talking about this stuff with Josh last night. Why not eat as healthful as possible while counting points and have the extra points for dinners and random food happenings. That is the point of weight watchers, but I never looked at it that way. I look at it as the non-diet diet, which is what they are touting, but what am I learning when I'm still eating foods that trigger more cravings? The book that I have been reading for review (Sexy in Six), has a very simple diet: 7 servings of protein (1oz. lean meat or one egg is one serving), 5 servings whole grains (1/2 cup brown rice, one slice of whole wheat bread), 4 servings of fruit, unlimited vegetables, three fats, 4 dairy, and a treat in the form of wine or dark chocolate.

I want to strive to eat more like that, while counting my points. I know that I am sensitive to white flours and sugar. For example, I made and ate three mini pancakes with syrup. I then passed out for a two hour nap.

I know I've said it before and I'll probably keep saying it every single day. Is that I am choosing me. I'm choosing a new attitude about my health.

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Blogger Ready to Shrink said...

Go for it! First of all how wonderful that you are getting married in a year, Congratulations! I will say getting married ROCKS! I love my hubby and spending my life with him is awesome.

Additionally I did the WW thing and it is a great plan and I went through what you are going through with the points. Your new plan is awesome. Think healthy and hearty. Food is fuel for your body--pick what will fill you up and keep you running! I just found your blog, I will be checking in with ya, Good luck!

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just read a great book called Mindless Eating (by some guy who's name I've forgotten) He's a nutrition scientist. Its not really a "diet book" more a book about how we really eat, backed my his research, how labels and lighting and who we're with effect us so much. But he also has this idea that we gain weight so slowly that we don't notice. And by the same logic, we should be able to loose weight (slooowly) the same way. Well, it was interesting and din;t make me feel like a fat cow (I could stand to loose about 50 pounds) and that alone was a good thing in my book.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Kriss said...

I think WW is a good program, but it makes me food OBSESSED. Like, I'll think about food and nothing else but food all day long. It just seems like there has to be a better way.

And OMG - good luck with the wedding planning!!!!! I can't believe you'll be married in under a year - woohooooooooo!!!!!

6:19 PM  
Blogger AN said...

Try Tea. If you feel that snacky feeling coming on, have a cup of tea. A couple reasons behind this: 1) Hot tea will take you a bit of time to drink, in that time, you can decide if you're really hungry, or if you just are snacky; 2) Warm liquids make you feel full. Don't know why, but they do; 3) Tea is jam packed with good things (antioxidants) that some say help promote weight loss. I just found this book and read it in the book store "The Ultimate Tea Diet". It will tell you about the good-for-you compounds in tea. And if you're thinking to yourself, blah, I don't like tea, try loose tea leaves, They are VERY different, or go for the more expensive supermarket brands (Lipton's is blah). I put vanilla soy milk in my tea when I want added richness and something sweet. Keeps me from lusting after ho-hos.

6:45 PM  
Anonymous megooo said...

What an awesome post! I gotta tell you, I feel many of the same feelings that you do (as do most of us that are trying to lose weight)...I've been at the same weight for the past year, and YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Know that I'm cheering you on as I get back on my own journey. You can do this!!!!! Yeah on your upcoming marriage!!!!

10:03 PM  
Anonymous Marianna said...

Greetings from Spain! First of all, my sincerest congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!

As a newlywed myself (I got married this past October), I am truly coming to recognize how important of a role I play in my family's health. I've struggled with weight my entire life, and I've tried so many diets and get-thin-quick schemes only to fail miserably time after time. In my own personal experience I'm learning that "dieting" isn't just about watching numbers go down on the scale; rather, it's about putting your health first and re-vamping your lifestyle to incorporate change.

I wish you and your husband-to-be all the best. I've been following your blog for the past few weeks and I enjoy reading your insightful entries.

7:03 AM  
Blogger Trisaratops said...

You're right to come to that realization. I am the same exact way with point counting or limiting myself. As soon as I tell myself I can't have something, I instantly NEED it, and not just one - I need 17 of them. I also have to remind myself that I'm not torturing myself by deprivation - it is making a stronger choice for better health and better living. You have the right attitude! I think when you "hunker down" and focus, you'll find it is worth it. I was around 270 at my wedding, and I wish I had lost the weight that I have now, but I can't regret it. So take some unsolicited advice from an old lady - don't have regrets! :)

4:28 PM  
Blogger Leong Kuan Yew said...

Mindless Eating, hmmmmm maybe I should grab a copy of that too.

I just bought the gimme weight loss now system the other day available at www.gimmeweightlossnow.com

I find it cool too, the things that the author teach and preach are so unheard of and downright direct.

It's not really a book about eating the right food, more like a motivational self-help, exercise and eating habits all combined into one system which the author called the Gimme Weight Loss Now! System.

I'm still at chapter one now, so I can't tell how effective it would be but hey, it sure does look promising.

Good luck and wish me luck too!


6:17 AM  

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