10/13/2008

I'm Back...no really, I'm serious this time

The internet is on and Friday we’re getting really fast internet so yay for that. I’m sorry for the hiatus, I think this is the longest I’ve been away since I started blogging almost two years ago. Not blogging makes me feel guilty, and I don’t like that.

I really want to reestablish myself on this blog again and regain the basic idea of way I started this blog in the first place: weight loss and accountability.

My weight has been up and complacent lately with little movement downwards which isn’t at all what I want. In the past two weeks I’ve had these sprigs of dieting ideas which only lead to me wanting more food. I feel like when people are reading about weight loss you have to over describe what you are doing to lose weight, however, weight loss is individual. I’ve been on a lot of diets in the past two years and I hate saying “they didn’t work” because they could have. Diets do work, they just don’t work for everyone and are increasingly hard long term.

I hate the word “diet” because weight loss is so much more than that. As soon as I start a diet, I suddenly want to eat everything in site. I think we all want to do something to feel like we are moving forward which for me and a lot of us ends up taking us ten steps in the wrong direction.

I’m asking myself what I want, why am I doing this, and why am I putting this out there? There are people out there who read (and comment) who are adamantly against dieting and there are people that come here looking for help, motivation or direction. That makes it really hard, because I’m still finding my own path when it comes to weight loss. I can only figure out what works and doesn’t work for me.

In the past two years I’ve gone from 320 lbs to about 270 lbs. and I have to ask myself, why haven’t I lost more? I think its obvious that I have been sabotaging myself. As soon as I get started with something I stop, my accountability record is low. Why do I keep myself from losing weight?

I know logically that extra weight prohibits me from doing a lot in my life, I know that I feel good when I am losing weight and exercising on a regular basis, I know that I do not want to get diabetes, I know that I want a body that moves. I know these things.

I think it’s easy for us to get comfortable with not moving and overeating, so much so that when we start doing these things it makes us so uncomfortable that we never start.

So let me hit the reset button once again with where I’m at. I need/want to lose about 150 lbs, I want to exercise on a regular basis, I want to keep track of what I’m eating and most importantly I want to build my self-esteem. I want to keep record of this in this blog for accountability and motivation even if it is hard at times. When I slip up, I don’t want to disappear for a week and then come back after I’ve eaten my weight in chocolate to declare “I’m starting over”! Keep going, you know?

Where am I fitness wise? We have been going to the gym about two times a week lately, except for last week when Josh’s back was out. I should have exercised myself though, but didn’t. About a week ago we went on an hour long hike up a huge mountain here in Floyd. I’m not totally incapable of hard exercise. I want to keep going to the gym, but 3-4 days a week. On the days that I don’t go I will exercise at home with a dvd.

What am I eating? Lately, I’ll admit I’ve been eating a lot more than I should. I don’t want to have “off limits” foods because that only makes me want to eat them more. I want to keep track of what I am eating and focus on eating less. I am still using the basic principles of The Day Off Diet with my eating, because it makes me feel better. I will post what I eat and how much of it I eat on a daily basis. I will calculate calories that best that I can just to give an idea to myself for awhile of how much I am consuming.

What is my weight? My weight has been up and down dramatically since we moved to VA, I’ve ranged anywhere between 268 and 283, which is a huge range to “float” around. I will do my next weigh-in on Sunday.

Working on me: I believe that weight loss isn’t just about diet and exercise, it is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. What am I using food for? Why am I not taking care of myself? I have some workbooks that I want to start and will explore and work on fulfilling my inner self without food.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Jenks said...

welcome back, I don't like being on a diet either and pretty much for the same reasons, although keeping a food journal has really helped me out. Good Luck

11:06 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Glad you're back!! I agree that we can only do what works for us. I have friends with great success on things like WW, but it just doesn't work for me - because for me my challenges are more mental than physical. Well, the mental challenges have led to the physical challenges. BTW, I got rid of my old blog Andrea Losing It for this one (because I also fell off the wagon - & then was ran over by it). Know you can find me at getupfreeze.blogspot.com, if you get a chance, please change out my link on your page.

11:33 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

I agree with everything you said in your post and it seems like you have the right attitude and the knowledge about yourself to be successful. I'm changing habits right now and even though I haven't really lost any weight I feel about a million times better from making good choices over bad. It has to work eventually! Keep up the blog and we'll keep checking in!

12:15 PM  
Blogger Blah*Blog*GirL said...

Welcome Back. It's strange. I've put all this weighty stuff on the back burner myself - including checking on your blog from time to time. The day I came back, so did you. I think the important thing is that you do come back. You've done so well so far. Let's look forward to the future.

5:50 PM  
Blogger Blah*Blog*GirL said...

Welcome Back. It's strange. I've put all this weighty stuff on the back burner myself - including checking on your blog from time to time. The day I came back, so did you. I think the important thing is that you do come back. You've done so well so far. Let's look forward to the future.

5:51 PM  
Blogger KK said...

I don't call it a diet. It is a lifestyle change. It has to be personal and something that works for you for the long haul. Good luck!

7:22 PM  
Blogger Krissie said...

I've missed you like the wolf!

7:59 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Hi there, I think you struck a chord with most people trying to lose weight and feel better about themselves. To calculate calories, I personally use thedailyplate.com. I like it. and while each journey is persoan, you aren't alone.

7:59 PM  

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