stay calm, move forward

I wrote a couple of posts this weekend and soon after decided to delete all of them. They were full of negativity and self-loathing and while I think it shows a part of me that is real and exists, I realized that I needed to write it down more than actually sharing it.

The truth is I do get down on myself a lot. I’m hard on myself, and I have internal dialogue that tells me to not let up because then I wouldn’t be those things I beat myself up for not being. It’s a vicious cycle and it really needs to end at some point.

I’m starting to slowly understand that it’s not all about all of these things I do wrong or don’t do, its my attitude that brings me down almost all of the time. I expect failure, and it comes. With every aspect of my life when things seem to be going too good I almost always find a way to mess up it. And then I can say to myself “see, I told you, I knew you couldn’t succeed even if you tried”. Its sad, really.

I understand that change comes from constant reminder. I often think “okay, I know what I need to do” and keep going and stop reminding myself of what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. For example, all of these little tidbits of information that I pick up, inspiration, and goals all go to the wayside once life kicks in. I’ve decided to do a bit of daily checking in with myself, and writing in this blog is one way to stay on track mentally. I suppose this is all a bit of a ramble, but for me it makes a ton of sense.

Stay calm, move forward.

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