10/01/2007

Cinnamon Buns

Inspired by Nigella Lawson, Martha Stewart and fall. I am on a cooking/baking kick lately. More like wanting to cook and bake than actually doing. I'm really into homemade food, and using older techniques for cooking and preparing food. There is something greatly relaxing about kneading dough.

This morning I decided to prepare cinnamon buns from scratch a couple for me and the rest for my co-workers. There is something about baking that makes me not want to eat all of it, I want to savor the flavors and stop when I'm full. Food that I bake doesn't seem to call to me in the same urgency that store bought baked goods do. I think the main reason for this is the fact that store bought treats and junk food have only one purpose to me and that is to eat as much as possible as quickly as possible. When I make things at home, its more out of the pleasure of baking than the thoughtlessness of mindless eating fueled by emotions.

Sometimes I wonder if its possible to beat my food demons with food. Where as I cook and enjoy textures and flavors of various foods that I take the time to prepare. I see people like Martha Stewart and Nigella Lawson stress things like "moderation and variety are key". Of course, a diet of cinnamon buns isn't ideal nor is it healthy, but can these occasional treats be apart of a healthy lifestyle? I'm starting to make small rules with myself such as, if I want to eat a certain treat I have to make it myself from scratch. Which makes it a more thoughtful and enjoyable process that involves steps and completion rather than consumption.

Can I lose weight, while cooking and enjoying the foods that I love? Can I control my appetite with a kitchen full of cinnamon buns? I just wonder how I can change my thought processes with cooking.

I once bought a can of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls and pretty much ate the entire can in one sitting. And now here I am a year later making my own with yeast and flour and I'm satisfied after eating one or two rather than 8 or 10. I look forward to sharing them with my co-workers.

This sort of mindful eating gives me hope that I can begin to trust myself around food. That no, it isn't going to go away and yes on occasion I can have something sweet and then move on. I agree with my boyfriend who says that food shouldn't be the main thought of the day. When hungry we should eat and then move on. I'm challenging myself to try this, to try new ways of losing weight. Maybe in a week or a month I will decide that this is a bad idea, but who knows really.

How will I ever lose weight if I continue viewing food as something I am either avoiding or gorging?

So, here it is October 1st 2007. I've lived in NYC for one year and one month. When I first got here I weighed 315lbs and now I weigh 275. I do feel better and I know that getting here wasn't that hard. I know that I could have lost more, but I also know that I could have gained or lost nothing at all.

I'm going to stop beating myself up about my weight and punishing myself with too much food. I like to record my food, which I still do in my food journal, but I'd like to make notations about why I ate what I ate, if I was full or hungry, if I stopped when I was full and why I made the food choices I did. The focus will be less on calories and more on choices.

My goal is to work out at least 5 hours this week. I made a little homemade chart to keep track of this, which I will share.

I've been here before, haven't I? I may be here again. I'm still trying, moving forward and each day I figure something new out that I didn't know the day before.

This is apart of my 12 week challenge. I have started reading the Artist Way which is a 12 week course in a book I bought a couple of months ago. The course includes a lot of writing, and soul searching which I think will help me with my weight loss as well. I want to lose 1.6 lbs a week for the next 12 weeks. That's 30 lbs. I hate making these goals public, as sometimes I feel like when they don't happen I disappoint other people as well as myself.

That's the goal and it can defiantly happen.

Oh, and here are the rolls...


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3 Comments:

Blogger Chubby Chick said...

I, too, love to bake from scratch. And I must say... your cinnamon buns look delicious... and gorgeous! I really admire your ability to cook and bake. It seems like it's somewhat of a lost art these days.

That being said... lol... I, too, have eaten an entire can of those Pillsbury cinnamon buns at one sitting! I always loved how yummy they tasted... but truth be told... they NEVER filled me... not even when I ate the whole can.

I think the key to weight loss... and maintenance... truly is moderation. In fact... that's a slogan of mine: Moderation... not deprivation. And another is: Persistence... not perfection.

Sometimes it's just SO difficult to eat yummy treats in moderation. That's why I haven't baked anything other than an angel food cake since I started on this journey. But the holidays are coming... and I know I'm going to have to practice moderation at some point.

Your plan to give away a portion of what you bake is a great idea!

4:40 PM  
Blogger Poppy said...

You are reading my mind. I so feel like that sometimes. Almost like why should I even try again, because I've failed at this so many times. It takes so much courage to put yourself and your goals out their. I applaud you! We can do this!

5:06 PM  
Blogger FAT BRIDESMAID said...

I'm another baker, and your cinnamon rolls look great. Also? I've totally eaten a whole roll of pillsbury rolls before. Not one of my prouder accomplishments.

I just want to say for the record that I think you're doing an amazing job. Who cares if you stumble along the way as long as you keep trying? It's great that you keep adjusting your goals to fit into your lifestyle.

You're totally one of my weight-loss inspirations, dude. You rock!

11:15 PM  

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