The demise of fear

I’m actually losing weight. For a long time I had a fear that even if I tried to lose weight, I wouldn’t. I’m not sure if I believed that I couldn’t lose weight or wouldn’t, but the fear was “even if I try, it won’t work. I will spend all this time trying and nothing will come of it”. Who knows where these fears or ideas come from that have kept me from trying in the first place, or would get me started and then two days later leave me thinking “this won’t work anyway”.

I think the fear of failure can be a powerful fear that keeps me (and a good deal of other people) from becoming who they believe they really are. After high school or college when reality settles in somewhere between paying bills and settling into a new chapter; sometimes even wanting or reaching for a dream can almost be the same as saying “I grew wings last night and I think I’ll take flight by mid-afternoon”. It seems silly to a lot of people who aren’t or never will fulfill their wildest desires. It all seems so cliché when the alarm goes off, or when babies are screaming (if that happens to be what’s going on), or when the smaller passing things in life are happening.

So back to the beginning statement, the weight watchers scale is a bit more than my scale at home. My mom seems to think that the difference is that they have so many people using their scales. Regardless, it will show weight loss there as much as it does here. Last week I weighed in at weight watchers at 295 and at home at 290. This week I weigh in at 287 so I am very curious to see what I weigh in today at weight watchers. I believe I had a 2-3 pound loss this week, which is exactly what I want to lose for my goal.

For so long I thought “I can do this alone in moderation”, and people can. But, I never did…obviously. I had to decide to change things and agree to the program that promised me would work if I just followed it. I record everything, I track, I measure and it’s really not murder. It feels structured and real and I can actually see myself hitting the 230 mark by September and even the 200 mark by January.

So, one of my goals with blogging is that for anyone who reads this that feels how I’ve felt can believe in themselves enough to do the work it takes to follow your dreams. Even if it means declaring that you will take flight by mid-afternoon.

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