I'm actually writing this on 12-15-06 so it will be in past tense :)
Yesterday started out well until I got to work where some sort of evil came over my body and had to go home. Yesterday I drank a glass of orange juice and an enormous gyro sandwich from the Turkish place around the corner (thanks josh)! No exercise for my queasy stomach.

Have a mentioned that the January issue of Oprah is one of the best? Yes? oh okay, well it is! I actually haven't picked it up since last January which was a good one too. Anyway there was a well written article about a lady on the journey to figure out why she could not or did not seem to want to exercise no matter how much she knew she should. I can tell she is average weight, but I think a lot of people suffer from the inability to break habits long term which explains why all diets mostly fail. I have suspected for some time that breaking a bad habit is more than being a strong person with loads of self-control. Our well intended brain has functions that help us stay motivated, but also can be triggered to stay in a comfortable routine. Change requires thought and sometimes negative reactions in our bodies, whereas staying in the same habit doesn't require a lot of brain power (im using scientific words eh?). I will re-read the article and give better examples. But, basically its how in a lot of people our brains keep us in bad habits to the point where if we do not continue doing them we can almost feel depressed and in order to break habits or start new ones we have to make the new habits a better experience and give our self rewards. The lady that did not like to exercise remembered that she loved to roller skate as a kid and so she started doing that again and loved it her first time. Her brain was giving out feel-good energy and then stopped by the next day. She realized that in order to make this a habit she would have to push through the negative feelings towards exercise and keep doing it for 3-4 weeks before her brain reacted to it as a habit. So while things may be uncomfortable at first, it doesn’t take long for it to become a positive experience for you. I'm being so vague, and highly recommend reading the article.

So, enough of that for now. I'm going to try and fight my "food demons' one day at a time and keep a little notebook with me to record thoughts, feelings and my food intake. My food motto is this: eat what I like to eat within reason, make the best choices possible for the situation I am in, and eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full.
There are things and places (even people) that can be triggers for old habits. It's Christmas time and I'm about to travel home, both with be huge moderation tests for me. When I'm around food that I love this little gremlin inside of me seems to jump and throw a party until it eats. This gremlin is my conditioned brain.

Another thing that Oprah said that I love is "I dont love food. I loved how food made me feel, it numbed negative feelings"

not an exact quote, but close. How true is this? A bad day or stress can trigger the need for excessive food to bring happiness. How can we (I) find happiness and reduce stress without food? (answer in next entry)

Oh and on the scale today: 294.5

Currently nervous about : Flying home. Flying is not a pleasant experience for fat people. More on this soon!

Some future ideas I have for the blog:

exercise sessions with me

in the kitchen: a video of me cooking a healthy meal

recipes: learning how to eat and turning favorite foods into healthier meals

snacks: why america is obsessed with snacking

Other bad habits and learning how to break them

exercise for when you think you cannot do it

rewards for making new habits

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