I'm back now, at least somewhat. I won't go into detail about the past week, but to be vague it was surreal. Its weird how unexpected events have a tendency to jolt us back into reality and our lives. Its hard to see it this way at the time, but looking at the other side of the coin: a difficult experience often brings something you really needed into your life. In this case, a new perspective and appreciation.
A week from Wednesday I will be leaving Brooklyn for a very small and rural country town in Southwestern Virginia. I don't know what my posting status will be like until I get there, or in the next few days while we pack up. I will say I'm really looking forward to moving and looking forward to fall. September, like January to me is always symbolic of new happenings.
I feel ready to leave nyc, which in the past two years has been really good for me. Life here, is unlike anything else I've ever experiences. In new york, I learned to be a little more braver and learned to just deal with things totally out of my control. Living here is not comfortable or easy, but it has been really rewarding. I feel like when I moved here after leaving college, I desperately needed to experience everything I did here.
This trip in new york, hasn't been perfect or without mistakes. I didn't put myself out there as much as I would have liked, or have much to show for the decent salary I was making except for the opportunity to have a nice life here. I'm really glad that I was introduced to new foods, and new ways of eating. I also got used to walking a lot and walking everywhere. I'll miss that too.
In Virginia, I look forward to being more creative- something that never really happened here. I really thought I would create more, but I rarely did. Lately, I feel more of a drive to be apart of something and get outside of my head. I find myself wanting to go out and try new things, which in Virginia seems much more manageable.
I've been thinking a lot about dieting and exercise lately. And wanting to find more joy in my health pursuits. There is a really great article in this months Bon Appetit, written by a food writer. How she eats out every night and still stays thin. It was so refreshing to hear her write about how she is not naturally thin and how she really does want to eat everything in front of her. She talked about eating only things she really liked. I find this so true, often times in my life I have spent a lot of calories on food I didn't even like. I've scarfed down many of a cookie, fries, nachos, whatever because they were "bad" or "there" but I didn't really like them or even want them. The writer also talks about enjoying food, and eating what she likes to eat, but being more disciplined about the amount that she eats.
I also read a quick interview with Margaret Cho, who has publicily struggled with her weight and body image. The interview was in this months Marie Claire. She talks about her love for belly dancing and how much it has given to her body and self-esteem. When asked about her weight loss because of dancing she responded:
"It's Weird. Discovering burlesque led me to take up belly dancing, and a lot of weight came off. It's a pleasurable movement that has positively increased my body awareness. It's so unlike going to the gym and hating it."
I really liked that. I'm feeling a sway in my life to find more joy in my pursuits for better health. Weight loss can be so negative sometimes, and keeping a blog can really keep you "in your head" about the whole thing too. The thing about blogging is, you are always aware that someone else is reading. I have other blogs, but this one makes me more vulnerable. I get so many lovely emails and comments every day from people trying to lose weight too and sometimes I just think we want to know that we aren't alone in wanting to lose weight and wanting to feel normal and accepted.
With joy in mind, I guess I feel a pull in my heart to get out there and get physical in ways that I love. I was looking at the Floyd (where I'm moving) calendar of events and I noticed that there is a 5k at the end of this month. There is no way I could run a 5k at my current weight and fitness level, but wouldn't it be a crazy notion to try and run one next year?
I guess what I'm feeling is, is that I want to take care of myself and celebrate my life and body more. Take care of my appearance, and just feel good about my body now at this size and find physical activities that really excite me. And in that pursuit becoming healthier and slimmer. Trying a new sport, training for a 5k, dancing, hiking, rowing, are things that deep down I know I want to be apart of, but never tried because of my weight. And now this pull is no longer ignorable.
Wow, not kidding, this post was originally about blackened chicken salad. I had a picture and everything.
